More Gems from Celeste

I love it when Ben comes home with good stories from school, like the following...

Student 1:  Mr. Lewis, have you ever gotten drunk?
Ben: No.
Student 1: Never?
Ben: Nope, never
Class: Whoa...
Student 2: Have you ever even had alcohol?
Ben: Nope
Student 2: Not ever a tiny sip?
Ben: Nope
Class: Whoa...
Student 3:  Have you ever smoked?
Ben:  No.
Student 3: Not even once?
Ben: Not ever.
Class: Whoa...
Student 4:  Mr. Lewis, I gotta question for you. 
Ben: Yes...
Student 4: Have you ever changed your oil?
Ben: No.  But I want to learn how.
Class: Whoa...

Reasons to Love Texas

Every once in a while there are things I really miss about living in Utah (I can't really say too much about Nevada since I haven't actually lived there since graduating from high school in 2000).  Besides family and friends, I miss the Macey's grocery store, being able to walk to two large and wonderful libraries, mountains, and having just about everything within walking distance.  But I really do love living here in Melissa, Texas (google that, it's about as big as it sounds).  Ellie and I went grocery shopping the other day (couponing is a new favorite pasttime), and to do so requires visiting a few other towns since Melissa doesn't actually have a grocery store.  The trip prompted some thoughts about a few things I really enjoy about Texas.  So here is my list:
1.  Feeling like you're a foreigner living abroad.  Not because Texas is so different, or even because it thinks it's really big (hello Alaska!).  But because everyone has such wonderful Texan drawls in these small Texan towns.  As I was carrying Ellie in the carseat into the grocery store in Anna TX, one of the employees was pushing in a cart and offered it to me, saying(imagine the drawl), "Doya needa buggy?"  To which I replied, "What was that?"  "Doya needa buggy?" he said, pushing the cart towards me.  "Oh, yes, thank you."  Yeah, a cart is a buggy.  Love it.

2.  Everyone wants to be your friend.  Or at least they act like it because everyone waves when they drive by (on small streets, obviously not on the freeway or there would be significatly more accidents).  This fact is especially true when you have an adorable baby in tow. 

3.  Being polite is a way of life.  Yes, sir; yes, ma'am.  On this particular trip we went to two different grocery stores.  At both they didn't even bother to ask if I needed help with my bags to the car.  They just picked them up and followed me, chatting it up about my adorable baby (I was advised not to "go crazy" like one particular lady and have five.  I then informed her that I came from a family of seven, so five doesn't seem so crazy).  It was so nice because I really did need the help.  Previous to Ellie's birth, I always said I was fine with the groceries, even when I was 8 months pregnant, because I really felt that I was.  But it is rough going carrying a carseat with baby and transferring groceries and returning the cart and then putting the baby in the car...you get the idea

Those are my top three reasons to love Texas.  Number four is the generally nice weather.  I love the snow, but I'm kind of glad that winter is basically over here.

The only exception to these is something that Ben would like me to point out, and I tend to agree.  Numbers 2 and 3 are thrown out the window once they get behind the wheel of a car.  They do not care if you have right of way, or even if it's just polite to let someone on the freeway whose lane is ending, or if you are getting cut off by a semi.  It matters not to them whether your life is in peril or not.  They were there first (or so they believe), and their truck is probably bigger so you should get out of the way.  Because everything is bigger in Texas.  To which I reply, if Alaska was cut in half then Texas would have to settle with being the third largest state.  So HA!

And here is the obligatory cute picture of Ellie.  She's laughing.  She has a big mouth like her father and a loud, raucous sort of laugh like her mother.

And she's going here from down-dog to plank.  We do yoga in the morning.  Really she's trying to figure out crawling and thinks her toes ought to be involved.

Late Night Snack

I'm so proud of Ellie for being on such a great regular schedule.  Well, I'm also proud of me for helping her get there too!  She usually goes to bed around 6:30 and then wakes up sometime between 8 and 10 for a little late night snack and then back to bed.  Last night it was business as usual.  I laid her back down and though she clearly wanted to play, it was bedtime.  I kissed her goodnight and left the room and went to brush my teach.  She was talking to herself a bit and then all fo the sudden I hear a little screech, and then another.  I quickly finished and then went to check on her.  She had rolled over (as usual) and I picked her up and saw a little puddle of spit up.  I laid her in on the changing table and flipped on the light and was greeted by this cute little face!

I guess the snack was so good she wanted it twice.

The Dangers of Reading

Before Eleanor was even born, my dad picked up this book to give to her called "I Already Know I Love You" by Billy Crystal (which is really a fantastic book).  So the other day we sat down to read it together.  Like many babies, Ellie is enamoured with paper.  She wants to grab it and put it in her mouth-like everything else.  So it's a delicate dance to read her a book without letting her destroy it.  This time, I lost.

I didn't notice anything until she was trying again to grab a page as I turned it and I saw a little red spot on her finger.  She'd gotten a paper cut.  She didn't cry or make any fuss about it.  We went and rinsed it off and got a bandaid from Grandpa Lewis.  She got her first owie and didn't even complain, until I was trying to hold her hand still to get the bandaid on.

It was a cool one with Sesame Street characters on it. 

Which she promptly tried to put in her mouth and chew on. 

What a girl.

Ben's Students

I think I mentioned this before, but Ben has begun teaching full-time at a "local" high school. It's about half an hour away in Celeste TX.  What?  You've never heard of Celeste?  Yeah, me neither.  The population is about 800 and there are about 200 kids in the school.  And boy do they say the funniest things!  Here is a sampling.

Ben passes out a printed schedule of the next unit's homework assignments and quiz dates
Student:  Looks like you spent time on this!
(The previous teacher would write out tests by hand and photocopy them.  They were also in shock when Ben used the document camera.  The school is new and nearly every teacher has one, but apparently Ben was the first to use it)

Ben had noticed that his classroom set of textbooks was slowly shrinking.  Then one day one of his students came in carrying four of them.
Student:  I was cleaning out my locker.
Ben:  Thanks.
About 20 minutes pass.  He come back in with four more books!
Student:  I cleaned out my other locker.
Ben:  How many lockers do you have?
Student:  Four.

Ben was wearing a dark violet shirt
Student:  You know what your shirt reminds me of?  A grape.  Has anyone ever told you that before?
Ben:  No, I don't think so.

Student:  What is your daughter's name?
Ben:  Eleanor.
Student:  Oh cool, like "Gone in 60 Seconds."
Ben:  Um...sure.
Ben's coolness is "through the roof" because he speaks Japanese and his daughter is "named after" Gone in 60 Seconds. 

And my all-time favorite:

Student:  Do we sound funny to you?
Ben:  Why?  Do I sound funny to you?
Student: You sound like a Yankee.  No offense, but you sound like a Yankee.

A Favorite Pastime

During the may years I spent at BYU, both as a student and while teaching there, I picked up a favorite pastime that I was sad to leave behind when we moved.  I loved to pick up the campus newspaper, The Daily Universe, and read the the letters to the editor, but even more so the Police Beat.  Police Beat at BYU is particularly amusing because of the nature of the student population.  There usually aren't any serious crimes, the worst usually being theft of someone's backpack (that they left laying around thinking that no one would steal it because, hey, it's BYU) or someone's (unlocked) bike.  But frequently there are very, very amusing "reports."  I think BYU students have a tendency to get scared easily.  Take this entry for example from Oct. 14:

October 6: A suspicious looking backpack and lunch box were reported to be on Maeser Hill. Police came, but they did not find anything.
October 9: A suspicious male was reported to be wearing a long black coat and cracking a whip in a parking lot. Police were not able to find him.

I love it.  So I was very excited when I remembered that I could read these little gems online, at the Daily Universe's website.  I've done some catching up and decided to share a few of my favorites.  For a good time, keep reading.  For an even better time, you can read them all by clicking here.

Nov. 13: At 5:30 p.m. a woman was walking up Maeser hill to the testing center when a Latino male walked up behind her, asked her the time, then grabbed her buttocks. The suspect then ran westbound on the path and the female began chasing him. The suspect then stopped, turned around, and yelled obscenities at the victim. The female reported the incident to the police two and a half hours later, after she took her test.

*now, harassment is not funny, but what is funny is that she tried to chase him down, and then didn't report it until after she took her test.  I noticed that a few weeks earlier a similar report was filed.  Some guy is getting a big kick out of grabbing girls at BYU.  I hope the police get it him, but that will require a quicker report, I think.

Nov. 6: A car was moved out of its original stall at Helaman Halls and was parked perpendicular to the parking spot. Police arrived and concluded a large group of people picked up the car and moved it.

Costume Crimes (it got it's own heading!)


October 24: A boy in a gorilla suit was reported attempting to scare girls in Wyview Park. Officers located the monkey man, asked him to go home and he did.

October 30: Several males were running through Brigham Square wearing only capes and underwear. When officers arrived, the caped crusaders were gone.

*clearly the reporter doing the write up for that particular Police Beat has a sense of humor.  I think you must in order to write these. 

October 31: Six individuals were reported throwing something wet off the Tanner parking structure. The substance was determined to be soup. The suspects were instructed to clean up the mess.


October 26: A caller reported a male behaving suspiciously in a parked car. Officers investigated and the suspect was simply taking a nap.

October 23: A call was received at 4 a.m. from Heritage Halls reporting five students arguing about a laser pointer. The students were shining the laser into the eyes of people driving and students walking by. The students with the laser pointer were informed about the dangers of laser pointers and given warnings.

*I would like to point out that probably 90% of all "disorderly conduct" reports are committed in on-campus housing (aka-Freshmen, bless them).

Oct. 11 Several female students left their apartment for 30 minutes to attend ward prayer. When they returned to their apartment, they found a severed elk head on their kitchen table. The suspects could not be identified and the elk was disposed of at the materials handling building.

And on that disgusting note, I'll leave you.

Helping Dad

The other day Ellie started fussing after Ben and I had finished eating dinner, so Ben volunteered to go up and get her out of her crib and play with her while I finished loading the dishwasher.  Since Ben isn't able to be home very much while she's awake, it was a great arrangement ("doing the dishes" isn't so bad when a machine actually does them).  So I filled up the dishwasher and then went upstairs to get Ellie and feed her.  I walked into the computer room and was greeted by this sweet sight.

She was a happy camper just sitting in Ben's lap watching him work on the computer.

These are definitely my two most favorite people in the world.  Heavenly Father must really love me to have made them part of my family!

And a token picture of happy Eleanor at 4 months.  She was trying to grab the camera...silly munchkin.  Oh, I meant to include this in the last post.  We have a lot of little nicknames we call her (like munchkin, or chica), but my personal favorite was first uttered by my brother-in-law Aaron when we told him we were having a girl and naming her Eleanor and calling her Ellie--Ellie, Ellie, Jelly Belly.  Now, I happen to love Jelly Belly Jelly Beans, so sometimes I call her my Jelly Bean.  I'm totally making that as her costume next year...

A Quick Funny Story

Ben has been substitute teaching during the day and usually comes home with some amusing stories (just like I did when was a sub).  This one does beat all.  There was a boy who was more talkative that he needed to be, so Ben was chatting with him.  The kid was in junior high, but I'm not sure what grade, but here's how the conversation went (basically):

Kid:  I think I have some sort of disease that makes me laught all the time, like, I think of funny things and then I just laugh.

Ben:  Yeah, it's called adolescence.

Kid:  Really?  That's a real disease? (other kids in class snicker)

Ben:  Yeah, you're going through it right now.

Kid:  Wow.

Then one of the other students explained that adolescence is another term for your teenage years.

Adventures in Diaper Changing

Ellie doesn't really like having her clothes changed...


so you would think that she would do more to prevent this terrible thing from occurring so frequently! I know, she can't help that she spits up all the time or when her diaper leaks. But lately she has taken to peeing just after I pull out the old diaper and reach to put the new one under. It's hysterical! Today she did it twice! I've been cautious about wiping her off with the old diaper underneath, just in case. But when I look away for the briefest moment, I turn back to find the changing table wet, along with her entire backside. And she just lays there, looking innocent (which she does exceptionally well).
So she got two mini-baths, which she loves...perhaps that is why she does it. At any rate, it really doesn't matter. She's cute. She's cute when she smiles and makes faces, when she cries (throwing back her head so you can see her, as if to say "Look at how sad I am! Don't you want to comfort and love me!"), and even when she pees all over herself.

Why We Have Cheap Rent

Last Wednesday I decided to give Ben a break from doing dishes (he nearly always does them because I don't like to and I usually cook dinner), and do them myself. Halfway through the pile, the sink just stopped draining. I knew that I hadn't rinsed down any food, but I tried plunging it to no avail. We bought some Drano and let it sit overnight. We came home from school Thursday afternoon and it was still plugged. I tried plunging it again, and only managed to make lots of little black flecks come up from the pipe, turning the water a murky gray. We called the plumber contracted to our apartment four-plex and he said because it was after 4 he couldn't come until the next day. What plumber only works till 4! Unfortunately, we don't get home from school until about 4:30, so he made a special arrangement to have someone be there at 4:30 on Friday. Well, that guy came and couldn't do anything. This is what our sink looked like after he was done.Apparently our plumbing is so old that the snake doesn't follow the pipes like it's supposed to and it couldn't get to the problem, which was just a general build of gunk from over the years (cause it's ancient). So now some of the gunk was in our sink instead of in our pipes, but it still didn't drain. And the guy that specialized in kitchen sinks (or something like that), was out of town for the weekend and couldn't come until Monday (when we'd be on Spring Break and be home). Buy now it had been quite a while since we had done dishes and we had nothing left to cook or eat with. So we got creative.


Here is Ben on his knees doing our dishes in our tub. The advantage of the tub over the sink is that it is; 1) Huge! Everything fits in it, 2) it has way better water pressure that our sink, which has notoriously terrible pressure, and 3) the water heats up really fast (our sink takes about 5 minutes to heat as opposed to the 5 seconds it takes in the tub). The disadvantage is that you have to kneel the whole time. This is just another example as to why Ben is the greatest husband.
Well, the extra-special plumber came on Monday, cut away part of the wall in our cupboard, cut up the pipe, cleaned it out, and installed and special piece that will make it easier to access if this happens again (assuming it will since our plumbing is practically antediluvian). But we figure we have cheapest rent of anyone we know and we are willing to put up with the minor inconveniences if it means we spend $200 less a month on rent. Plus, after this apartment, anything will seem bigger, nicer, and newer.

I Need a Sign

I think I'm going to have a shirt made that I can wear to the junior high I substitute teach at. It will read "Yes, I'm pregnant. I'm due in July. It's a girl. I'm not naming it after you."
I have at least three or four students every period ask me this. Even for me to name my child after them. Crazy self-absorbed middle schoolers, I love them.

That's all.

Seriously?! (And some parenthetical comments)

I had a really busy day last Thursday. I did a full day of substituting at the junior high, where I was an English teacher and got to teach about Romeo and Juliet.
Sidenote: I love Shakespeare, and I think that R & J is a fantastic play, if a little over-done and over-studied (why don't more of us read Titus Andronicus in school-oh yeah, it's really really gorey). However, I had forgotten what a dirty little rascal old Will was. As we read/listened on CD to Act I scene i (and I was probably the only one who got it all), I noted again how as the two Capulet servants banter back and forth rather wittily, that they spend most of their jesting on less than savory subjects. Basically they joke around about beating up Montague men and raping montague women. It's fabulous. But again, these ninth graders don't get it. They have no idea what maidenhead means.
Okay, back to the original story. Ben had Parent/Teacher Conferences that night and we had signed up to can beans at the dry pack cannery in Lindon at 5 and then I had to go to a meeting-thingy at 7 down at BYU and then go pick up Ben at about 8:30. So I thought I had a few spare hours between the end of school, 3:00, and canning at 5. I decided to be proactive and take our car in for an oil change (it's probably overdue).
I hauled myself down to Wal-mart and a very nice mechanic-man checked me in. I was the second car in line, and I knew that an oil change shouldn't take that long so I should be fine (I'm sure you see the problem coming). I wandered around Wal-Mart (and I'll admit to looking at baby stuff and wondering what it is that is kicking around inside me). After an hour I headed back over to the auto section. My car hadn't moved. At all.
So I sat down in their little waiting room and watched the end of National Treasure. I like that movie. It's fun. But 40 minutes later, my car still hadn't moved and it was time to go. Additionally, I had noticed sitting there that there didnt' really seem to be any mechanics around, except for the girl who came in with another wally-world employee to get coffee and she complained about the laziness of the current employees. Fantastic. So I found coffee girl and told her that I needed to leave, though I had been waiting for over an hour and a half. She kindly took my name off the list and I left fuming. Clearly I still haven't recovered.
On the upside, canning was really fun and we are now the proud owners of 60ish pounds of black and pinto beans and two cans of hot chocolate mix. And on the radio to the cannery I heard that Autozone is having a deal on their oil changes; I just hope their customer service is better.

Don't tell your husband...

For the last two days I have been substituting for the Special Ed teacher and have really loved spending time with these special and wonderful kids. Today I got to take two of the boys to their science class to help adapt any material that would be covered. As we walked down there, Jason informed me that he thought I was pretty. I think I have a crush! But the best was in class while the boys were drawing on their whiteboards. They finished their plant cell drawings pretty quickly (they are memorizing only 5 parts, besides who can remember what ribosomes do anyway!). So Nate drew a stick figure of a girl and I asked who it was. Here was how the conversation went:
Nate: Oh, that's you, (adding a disproportionately large ring with diamond) and that is your ring because you are married.
Me: Oh, thank you!
Nate: (drawing a stick figure man with a very large ring, sans diamond) And that is your husband.
Me: Very nice!
Nate: But don't tell your husband I drew a picture of you. I don't want him to get mad at me.
Me: (stifling a laugh) Okay, I won't. I don't think he'll get mad anyway. Thank you.
I love those boys. And of course I told Ben. He wasn't too upset... ;)